This year saw a lot. For Twitter and me, it started off in a hospital (I was there, but it was for someone else), took a trip to upstate New York, a trip to Chicago, joined me for the 2009 T-Pain Presidential Cam-Pain, and saw me reach my 1,000th tweet. I had planned something special for my 1,000th tweet, but I forgot it was coming and I ending up squandering it.
I have a general ethos that a tweet should be standalone, so not a lot of these need context, and none are retweets, @ replies, or anything else. Just plain, pure, uncut @justindlc.
I don't know how many I'll include, since I'll just look at them all and post the ones I think were great. [Update: I spent way too fecking long on this.] I'll also post my first tweet of the year and my most recent tweet (as of the time of this writing). Maybe I'll think of something cool to tweet on 31 December 2009 at 11:59 p.m. and maybe I'll include that as a TWEET FROM THE FUTURE. [Update: Again, I spent way too fecking long on this and fried my brain. So no tweet from the future.]
I had to spend a lot of time clicking the "more" button on my Twitter page, so you better damn well enjoy this.
Of the chosen tweets were:
countless - posts about music
9 - posts about work
7 - posts about school
6 - posts about the internet or technology
3 - posts about license plates
3 - posts about video games
3 - posts based around bacon
3 - posts about my cat or cats in general
2 - posts about Goodwill
---
Having an appendix out would cost an arm and a leg...
11:33 AM Jan 1st from txt
I want to be a hip-hop anthropologist.
3:45 PM Jan 31st from txt
We got a soft orange cat previously named Simon.
2:37 PM Feb 7th from txt
My cashier's name is Algeria.
3:52 PM Feb 7th from txt
Considering the catalogs of both, Kanye's latest is on the level of the Clash's Cut the Crap.
3:04 AM Feb 8th from txt
This older guy in this coffee shop just said: "I want to be the Kenny G. of harmonica." And he was being serious.
7:41 PM Feb 10th from txt
I sort of want to build a robot.
5:12 PM Feb 13th from txt
You're an indoor cat who gets out. You: A. Catch a mouse. B. Prowl the neighborhood. Or C. Lay in the neighbor's yard and sniff the grass.
9:18 PM Mar 5th from txt
Woo! Spring Break! Time to go to . . . the office!
7:15 AM Mar 9th from txt
Chuck Palahniuk is gay?
4:55 PM Mar 16th from txt
Sources for brief class presentation = Wikipedia.
10:38 PM Mar 18th from web
One of the few benefits to arriving to a movie on time or late is not having to sit through Kid Rock's "Warrior" again.
10:12 PM Mar 21st from txt
I'll list Goodwill in the bottom 10 of places where I'd like to work.
7:12 PM Apr 10th from txt
Behind white Honda junker. License plate: SRSLY.
7:47 AM Apr 13th from txt
My five word autobiography: "This isn't hard. Oh, wait."
3:35 PM Apr 23rd from txt
Any chapter titled "From Mein Kampf to Google" is good in my book.
3:44 PM Apr 26th from txt
Cranberry juice and keyboards go together about as well as rocks and blenders do.
8:55 PM Apr 28th from web
Jan 22, 1973: Bro v. Wade was a contentious ruling for bros on broth sides of the brolitical spectrum. Bro-Choicers rejoiced.
3:07 PM May 1st from web
Does each store in the mall pay for its own air conditioning? Because it all opens up to the middle, which is also cooled.
2:47 PM May 2nd from txt
I wish I were a reverse bear, so I could hibernate through this hot, hot summer.
12:59 PM May 11th from txt
Homeless man at bus stop enjoys an 8 AM Steel Reserve, and your trusty narrator's stomach turns upside down and inside out.
7:55 AM May 14th from txt
Someday all of my neat devices will end up at Goodwill... And be ridiculously priced. $35 for N64?!?
11:29 AM May 16th from txt
I'm already weary of taking precautionary antibiotics but getting 'em for free at Publix makes me downright nervous. Pill Pushers, M.D.
2:47 PM May 18th from txt
Just passed four humans walking five dogs. Quite the canine constituency on a constitutional.
6:53 PM May 21st from txt
I want to drive a British car for a month so I can balance out my left arm tan.
3:25 PM May 30th from txt
I'm going over the pros and cons of making and consuming a bacon quesadilla.
4:20 PM May 30th from txt
This training session should be titled "Please do not make small talk with me at the urinals." And I should lead it.
2:00 PM Jun 4th from txt
If you get trapped in the wilderness in the U.S. with like 10 people and everyone decides to eat one person... is that legal?
11:36 PM Jun 4th from txt
Got an Elvis upper lip from the numbing agents they used during my root canal.
9:08 AM Jun 10th from txt
Contra III is hard, Earthbound is super cool, and I just found out why I never touched Shaq Fu.
9:00 PM Jun 11th from web
Every weekday I see an infinitesimal piece of the internet, which, as far as I can tell, stretches out eternally.
8:10 AM Jun 15th from web
Professor: "My student's paper began with a set of instructions from the student to the person writing the paper. The rest was plagiarized."
11:02 AM Jun 15th from web
William Shatner on Conan. Shatner tried to do the Vulcan hand salute and COULD NOT DO IT.
12:29 AM Jun 18th from txt
I'd be concerned if future biographers relied solely on my Facebook, Twitter, and blog posts to chronicle my life.
8:54 AM Jun 18th from web
I would like to second my own nomination of T-Pain as the next president of Florida State University. #tpain4fsuprez
10:13 AM Jun 19th from web
The SNES Itchy and Scratchy game was just as bad as I thought it would be. The garlicbread Tombstone pizza was as good as I thought.
10:05 PM Jun 22nd from txt
Just saw Baconnaise featured on the QVC Shopping Network. Bundled with bacon salt.
7:53 AM Jun 24th from txt
Dr. Phil is not an authority on anything besides being bald.
5:56 PM Jun 24th from txt
Funny or not funny: a penny superglued in the middle of the street? (I fell for it.)
12:27 PM Jun 25th from txt
My brother: R.I.P.Y.T. (Michael Jackson). Me: This is going to burst a lot of people's Bubbles.
8:17 PM Jun 25th from txt
At DC airport. There's a truck labeled "Gate Gourmet" ... What do they serve - TarMac and Cheese?
11:50 AM Jun 30th from txt
Amazing that whatever location you go to (in this case, NY), Wal-Mart has the universal effect of sucking the soul right out of you.
7:36 PM Jul 2nd from txt
Melbourne's like an old shoe. It's comfy, but it sort of smells.
12:27 AM Jul 8th from txt
Twitter me this: They make you scan your shoes for planes, but you're allowed to carry on a lighter.
2:20 PM Jul 8th from txt
Note that it is possible to grab and throw someone holding the hammer in the original Super Smash Bros.
8:09 AM Jul 27th from web
The 2009 T-Pain Killa Cam-Pain is well underway: http://is.gd/1OSla #tpain4fsuprez
9:40 AM Jul 27th from Twitlet
I was on TV! Complete with awkward news anchor banter!!
10:34 PM Aug 5th from txt
Lexus license plate: VIA GOD.
7:59 AM Aug 12th from txt
Twitter does everything. Even makes it easier to follow God: http://twitter.com/god
3:42 PM Aug 12th from web
Graffiti 1: "Omar <3 Kathy." Graffiti 2: "Kathy is a dude."
5:10 PM Aug 19th from txt
You should have to pay $5 every time you ride the elevator only one floor (unless you physically can't use stairs).
9:17 AM Aug 25th from txt
Overheard: "*LOUD GASP* You don't know who McDreamy is?!?"
5:09 PM Aug 25th from txt
Flier: "How affordable is life insurance?" ... I don't know --- can I live without it?
4:40 PM Aug 26th from web
Mondays should really start at 10. And while we're at it, Fridays should end at 3. Nothing gets done during those work hours anyway.
7:42 AM Aug 31st from txt
Text response from my brother when I tried calling him while he was at DragonCon: "Can't talk, Klingon beauty pageant."
5:26 PM Sep 6th from txt
It's a good thing they weren't fighting house cats in the Battle of Bunker Hill. You have to get real close to see the whites of their eyes.
9:20 AM Sep 17th from web
I'm feeling strangely inspired and motivated at work today. I hope I'm not coming down with something.
9:33 AM Sep 24th from web
License plate: H8 N00BZ.
6:36 PM Sep 30th from txt
Many papers I write just seem to serve the purpose of showing that I can write papers. #epiphany
9:18 PM Oct 7th from web
The professor I emailed today signed his response with his initials, which made me question everything he wrote: jk.
9:17 AM Oct 14th from web
Why does everything seem better when I listen to loud music with the car windows down?
5:33 PM Oct 19th from txt
Dammit. I accidentally subscribed to Oprah's magazine. This day is by no means off to a good start.
10:50 AM Oct 20th from web
Little known fact: T-Pain is a direct descendant of revolutionary pamphlet writer Thomas Paine.
8:01 PM Oct 21st from txt
I can upload a picture from my phone to the internet faster than it takes me to fax one page of text.
10:00 AM Oct 22nd from txt
Still amazed at how "salad" can refer to dishes based on either green vegetables or mayonnaise.
12:18 PM Oct 22nd from web
Q: Why wear a white skintight nylon shirt sans bra? A: To distract from your "humble" face.
1:25 PM Oct 28th from txt
A million people support an aspiring pirate (http://bit.ly/Kjf1P) and around a dozen would like to meet a senator (http://bit.ly/3nXo52).
4:12 PM Nov 2nd from web
Independent, double-blind studies have replicated the results of Diggs et al. (1993), showing that Wu-Tang Clan ain't nothing to fuck with.
5:20 PM Nov 12th from txt
The secret about moving walkways is that the walkway doesn't move. Everything else moves around it. #chi09
10:54 PM Nov 13th from txt
So when I mention certain things in my tweets, companies follow me. This is a test. BMW Coca-Cola Fender Hershey's Gorbachev ShamWow Rolex.
9:02 AM Nov 18th from web
Overheard at Neko Case: "The Beatles, they were a recording band. They couldn't do the shit they did on their albums live."
7:47 PM Nov 20th from txt
Wellborn, FL owes me $1.25 in change lost at its crappy rest stop vending machines. I'll be back to collect. I know where you live.
7:10 PM Nov 25th from txt
If in 500 years a transcript of my Twitter feed were the only indication that I'd ever lived, I'd be damn proud of my legacy.
1:57 PM Nov 26th from txt
Denny's T-shirt: No one ever returns bacon.
10:56 AM Nov 29th from txt
T-shirt idea: Guitar Gyro
11:07 AM Nov 29th from txt
Rawr. Somebody obvs didn't get her turkey basted this weekend. Sheesh.
9:12 AM Nov 30th from web
Why did everyone in our class present an academic book or article except for this girl, who's presenting an Alexander Dumas novel?
3:58 PM Dec 3rd from txt
I don't like writing papers. Why am I still in college? I hope all my future employers can use a 15-page discussion of postmodernism.
9:14 PM Dec 6th from web
@samirmathur Im in ur tweetz, steelin ur linkz.
4:12 PM Dec 7th from web in reply to samirmathur
[That was my 1,000th tweet.]
I can never remember which I prefer: "gray / grey," "inalienable / unalienable," "Bert / Ernie."
2:21 AM Dec 10th from web
My boss just gave me the blues on her iPhone. Any time I call her, a bluesy piano plays as the ringtone. Is that how I come off? The blues?
11:40 AM Dec 11th from web
Got out with three Bob Dylans and a Vanderslice for $12. This should not be happening. RIP Vinyl Fever.
5:33 PM Dec 16th from txt
Why is there so much information in the world?
about 19 hours ago from txt
Like a post-apocalyptic movie, a shopping cart is a hot commodity in our work building.
16 minutes ago from txt
nice work, i think we're on to something here!
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