What's in a ...

Grocery manager Jeff at work calls me "Mark."

I never correct him, because I find it amusing when he calls me "Mark" in front of my co-workers and while I'm wearing my nametag.

Superwhat?

Kevin Spacey is Lex Luther in Superman Returns?

Suddenly I'm excited about it.

A little.

Cobras

In the Cockpit.

Munchy myth?

This recipe was to serve eight. Elvis would eat one of these on his own.

I don't care if that story is correct or not.

I had one.

(On just two slices of bread, silly.)

wuht-eva

You Are Animal

A complete lunatic, you're operating on 100% animal instincts. You thrive on uncontrolled energy, and you're downright scary. But you sure can beat a good drum. "Kill! Kill!"

The Muppet Personality Test

You Are Barney

You could have been an intellectual leader... Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps Your life philosophy: "There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem."

The Simpsons Personality Test

You Are a Losing Lottery Ticket!

Full of hope and promise. But in the end, a cheap letdown.

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?

You Are a Martini

There's no other way to say it: you're a total lush. You hold your liquor well, and you hold a lot of it!

What Mixed Drink Are You?

yeah, so

Eveyone's talking about Alberto.

No one's talking about Alberta.


ALBERTA FACTS



Population: As of April 1, 2005, Alberta's population is estimated to be 3,236,906. This represents a yearly increase of approximately 46,500 persons (or 1.46% growth) since April 1, 2004.
Source: Alberta Finance

Capital City: Edmonton.

Currency: Canadian dollar.

Weather: Today (in High Level, Alberta, Canada): Sunny with cloudy periods. High 22. UV index 6 or high.

Telephone Area Codes: 780 in the northern part of the province, 403 in the south.

Proclaimed a Province: September 1, 1905

Time Zone: Mountain Time (two hours behind Toronto or New York; one hour ahead of Vancouver, Seattle or Los Angeles; seven hours behind Greenwich Mean Time (GMT); and six hours behind GMT during Daylight Savings Time).


ALBERTO FACTS



Population: 0.
Source: Nasa.

Capital City: Alberto's Eye.

Currency: Palm trees and baby seals.

Weather: 100% possibility of a hurricane.

Telephone Area Codes: 911 in the outer part of the province, 666 in the eye.

Proclaimed a Province: June 12, 2006.

Time Zone: EDT.

Toy Story 3

Plot Outline: Buzz Lightyear is recalled to a factory in Taiwan, and the rest of his toy pals go to rescue him.

... what?

Woo.

I get to fire my first writer.

*****

In the office. Check phone messages...

Hello, this is Judy with [insert obscure PR company]. I called to talk to [insert name of snot-nosed writer] in charge of music editorial.

Wait a second. I'm in charge of "music editorial" (whatever that means). She didn't say my name. Did she?

*rechecks message*

Nope.

*****

Dear [snot-nosed writer],

You're

!

Table Tennis?!?!?

View more screenshots for Table Tennis

Table Tennis? ... TABLE TENNIS?!?!?

Thousands of dollars in developing a system and a game for "a purer, more visceral experience that simply was not previously possible."

For "Reflections on the floors and playing surface, as well as the multiple lighting sources and shadows provide an incredible amount of realism."

???

I'd have more fun playing PONG.

We sold over 700 pounds of snow crab clusters during my shift yesterday.

8 more hours today, 8 more tomorrow of $3.99/lb. crabs.

New Less Than Jake album sucks.

Even worse than the last.

This Lewis Black CD isn't that funny.

Good thing I got it for free.