Secretly Ironic

I once learned to read the future
In the flight of birds and pig entrails.
And from the balance of your humours,
I could tell if you'd pass or if you'd fail.

For fifty years I've earned a living
Showing many others what may come.
Most my life I've been giving
Much advice and sage encouragement to some.

But I haven't much time,
I know when I will die:
On a secret holiday away from home,
I bite off more than I can chew alone.
And then I wheeze out to you to phone
The emergency room.

Young and old come to see me,
They wait in line to hear what I say.
They ask me for the lottery,
I tell them it doesn't work that way.

With eyes I see what's been missing,
With ears I hear what's going wrong.
With luck I'll shake these premonitions,
With hope I'll find where I belong.

But I haven't much time,
I know when I will die:
On a secret holiday away from home,
I bite off more than I can chew alone.
And when I wheeze out to you to phone
The emergency room,

You're taking a nap to avoid the disaster
That I couldn't see (not very clearly).
I knew it would happen to you or to me.
Now I can't move my knees
Have given out, my pleas
Are fading out, a sneeze
Would rescue me.

And I haven't much time,
I need to catch your eye.
So I throw this stone right at your head,
And you grab my throat to choke me to death,
But you save my life instead,
You save my life instead,
You save my life instead.